I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
