his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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