Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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