TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
