I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
