it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
