I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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