And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night