Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you

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  (267): census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you http://tfl.nu/5ryg
  Replies (23) Good night (945) Bad night (2057)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.

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  (816): He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine. http://tfl.nu/bj2r
  Replies (103) Good night (713) Bad night (8895)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

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  (603): Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair http://tfl.nu/7ypz
  Replies (36) Good night (4664) Bad night (1397)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.

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  (970): I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now. http://tfl.nu/y6ao
  Replies (10) Good night (2753) Bad night (992)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face

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  (561): I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face http://tfl.nu/knsv
  Replies (25) Good night (3546) Bad night (1849)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.

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  (203): You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long. http://tfl.nu/0h4i
  Replies (4) Good night (3215) Bad night (867)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though

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  (708): we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though http://tfl.nu/249z
  Replies (4) Good night (2572) Bad night (606)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.

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  (479): I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again. http://tfl.nu/mmc2
  Replies (7) Good night (2788) Bad night (622)
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  (951): View more from California

  I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.

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  (951): I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting. http://tfl.nu/326h
  Replies (6) Good night (1851) Bad night (695)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.

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  (817): The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride. http://tfl.nu/s0ye
  Replies (1) Good night (463) Bad night (789)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.

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  (507): My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu. http://tfl.nu/j0iq
  Replies (8) Good night (759) Bad night (1215)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later

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  (215): shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later http://tfl.nu/zlh0
  Replies (5) Good night (871) Bad night (242)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.

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  (908): Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother. http://tfl.nu/ysht
  Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (279)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.

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  (720): Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag. (303): This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two. http://tfl.nu/02n3
  Replies (2) Good night (722) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.

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  (717): He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire. http://tfl.nu/b1n8
  Replies (2) Good night (225) Bad night (431)

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