And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
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you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??