Texts From Last Night

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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident

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  (605): I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident http://tfl.nu/4t8c
  Replies (28) Good night (744) Bad night (2749)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

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  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (21332) Bad night (1138)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?

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  (267): how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch? http://tfl.nu/7fe5
  Replies (16) Good night (5144) Bad night (1160)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends

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  (307): there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends http://tfl.nu/lr33
  Replies (26) Good night (6615) Bad night (1025)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.

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  (267): Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup. http://tfl.nu/dysq
  Replies (10) Good night (3129) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few

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  (407): I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few http://tfl.nu/2coh
  Replies (1) Good night (2270) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.

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  (610): The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom. (484): I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you. http://tfl.nu/hypz
  Replies (7) Good night (4624) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.

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  (513): I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting. http://tfl.nu/f03u
  Replies (3) Good night (1079) Bad night (750)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.

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  (810): Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down. http://tfl.nu/7v0j
  Replies (7) Good night (1941) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls

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  (401): Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls http://tfl.nu/qxtg
  Replies (9) Good night (475) Bad night (1265)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home

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  (608): I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home http://tfl.nu/rt92
  Replies (6) Good night (1250) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.

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  (901): My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume. http://tfl.nu/vvcp
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later

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  (919): That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later http://tfl.nu/qro9
  Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (282)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.

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  (970): Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/kc9w
  Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.

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  (740): Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there. http://tfl.nu/xst3
  Replies (2) Good night (572) Bad night (293)

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