how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.