Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.

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  (301): White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss. http://tfl.nu/246p
  Replies (5) Good night (771) Bad night (1440)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.

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  (785): Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours. http://tfl.nu/zm6d
  Replies (17) Good night (4751) Bad night (787)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.

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  (203): she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously. http://tfl.nu/54qd
  Replies (29) Good night (696) Bad night (5944)
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  (716): View more from New York

  God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

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  (716): God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them. http://tfl.nu/wqtw
  Replies (32) Good night (5376) Bad night (1185)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

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  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (20049) Bad night (2137)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.

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  (228): yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight. http://tfl.nu/g16n
  Replies (10) Good night (3547) Bad night (1665)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.

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  (614): It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead. http://tfl.nu/yvss
  Replies (11) Good night (1040) Bad night (3892)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.

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  (239): Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis. http://tfl.nu/6cer
  Replies (23) Good night (1368) Bad night (5450)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.

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  (602): Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library. http://tfl.nu/6qen
  Replies (12) Good night (1836) Bad night (662)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's a mixed blessing.

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  (919): Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day. (1-919): I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover. (919): It's a mixed blessing. http://tfl.nu/jmyr
  Replies (10) Good night (1640) Bad night (501)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.

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  (480): I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level. http://tfl.nu/m64o
  Replies (5) Good night (3001) Bad night (591)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.

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  (970): We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest. http://tfl.nu/w1i7
  Replies (16) Good night (2664) Bad night (752)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM

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  (+44): IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM http://tfl.nu/pr8f
  Replies (3) Good night (880) Bad night (486)
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  (858): View more from California

  Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"

  (1-858): View more from California

  next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.

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  (858): Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him" (1-858): next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective. http://tfl.nu/n75w
  Replies (2) Good night (1057) Bad night (372)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.

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  (613): Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter. http://tfl.nu/f8yo
  Replies (0) Good night (280) Bad night (475)

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