Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.