i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.