i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
