So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
