just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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