haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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