Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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