and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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