this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize