My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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