Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
