ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
birth control should be required to get into college
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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