Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize