it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
