it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the condom got lost in my hair
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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