She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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