Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
soo... how was my night?
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