my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
