I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
