all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
