halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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