GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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