new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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