Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
