He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
