i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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