Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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