I heard we made out
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
