i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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