I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
