I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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