so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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