she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
