Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
