mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm both gender and math confused
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
