I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Come on in and take your pants off
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