I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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