Non-Jews are for practice
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
