I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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