I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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