Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
