she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
