nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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