I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
