His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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