my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
