Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
