there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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