Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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