if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
