just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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