If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
