I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
