remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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