So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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