hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
