ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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