I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
